We are not born knowing exactly what
we should do as parents. This is a huge and overwhelming responsibility that
transforms each day into a hard, yet empowering and wonderful experience. That
is why we should always be careful at our parenting style. Are our actions in
the benefit of the child? What consequences have our choices for their
development?
From time to time, each parent
should reconsider his parenting style. Sit down and think about what happened
in a time frame: how did you and your child change? What conflicts did you
have? What could you have done differently?
Just to give you a helping hand,
read 5 signs that indicate you should revise your parenting style. Keep in mind
this does not mean you are not a good parent! It just suggests you could do
some improvements in your child’s benefit:
1. You are using a lot the time-out
discipline technique,THEN Time to use TIME-IN :)
A technique recommended even by some
experts, the time-out is leaving the child in isolation. Yet, recent studies
show that this approach, adopted even in a gentle way, may have negative
effects on children as they feel a strong need of bonding and connecting to
others. The lesson of solitude and isolation is not a good lesson for anyone
and much less for children! They will think that each time they do something
wrong or are dealing with problems and worries, they should force themselves to
be alone.
Researchers studied the brain scans
of many children who were isolated during punishment and reached the conclusion
their brain looked exactly like the ones of children who got physical abuse.
2. You are living in the past when it
comes to interactions with children
Each period of time has a different
dynamic. Each child/parent is different. You cannot relate to your child,
thinking about how your parents behaved with you or how you were as a child.
Children have their own personality from a very early age so you should respect
and value this.
It’s not a good idea either to
compare you with other parents skills and try to be better than them.
3. You are trying to make your child a
better version of you
Maybe another way of living in the
past, remember your child is not a different version of you, he is a totally
different person. He might want something else, act differently and you have no
right to shape him as you would like him to be. This pressure might harm
children, leading to permanent emotional damage, says the Danish therapist and
author Jesper Juul, the one who wrote “Raising Competent Children”.
4. You are constantly reproaching and
adopt criticism
The same Danish therapist says
reproach and critics will only lead to frustrating and intimidating your child.
Even if you may think this is the only way to motivate him, remember there are
plenty of other solutions like setting goals, learning through play, being a
model for your child etc. Showing respect – to a child, but with anyone else, too – will draw the same behavior. A
toddler, a teenager or an adult – everyone deserves and wait for respect and
encouragement.
5. You are too permissive
The other way round of parenting
style – too permissive – wouldn't be a very good way of approaching your child.
Kids and teenagers wants you to be a leader who empathizes and paves path for them to behave on their own free will. If
you are not trying to make a balance between your rules and gentleness, your
permissive style will lead to many flaws: he will not be able to develop an
internal happiness, to understand and take responsibilities, you will be
overwhelmed by your compromises and your child will neither trust you, nor in
himself etc.
HAPPY PARENTING
No comments:
Post a Comment