Does this sound like you: “No, means NO, you cannot do it, because I say so.” Or “ How many times do I have to tell you, now sit down and write on a paper fifty times, you wont do this again!” or “ Don’t run after you finish eating, it is bad for your health.” And many such phrases that actually make you sound like your father or mother. Do you find yourself behaving, acting or even screaming like your parents at your children? You may have sworn that you would never be your parents to your children, but becoming your parents is inevitable.
Many of the things we say to our children are actually manifestations of our past experiences as children. These words have been programmed into our brains through repeated experiences. The ultimately mold our parenting style. While our parents can be a great influence on our parenting style, but it really isn’t the end of the ideas we may have for bringing up our children. All we need to do is be conscious of our habits and acknowledge the similarities with our parents. In this article we will tell you how you can make a parenting style change.
Simply make a list of things you liked about your parents What did they do that helped you become the person you are today. Did your parents make you confident and secure? Did they lovingly encourage you to become your best self? Did they make you more conscious of your body (weight issues). Did they make you conscious of your actions (being honest). Did they yell a lot? Or were they subdued when very angry? All these reactions have helped made you into YOU! Simply separate your good experiences from your bad ones. Keep the list growing by adding to it over the next few days. Keep adding until you have nothing to add. Consult your siblings to confirm whenever in doubt.
In addition to their actions as parents, also make a list of your reactions. Did you not always get the love and attention you desired? For example, think about the times when you were sick. Did your parents get you extra treats to help you feel better? Or did they tell you to “brave” it? What would you do when attending your sick child? Think about the time when you lost in a sporting activity. Were your parents hard on you or did they teach you’re the true sports spirit? How are you reacting to your children’s winnings or failures at sports? Were you bullied at school? Was someone unfair with you? How did your parents support you?
Maybe yours told you to fight your own battles as a part of the “tough love” strategy. Did that toughen you up or left you more bitter or vulnerable. These experiences are worth recalling for the purpose of our list building exercise. The more reactions and actions you have on your list, the more you can choose to create a new parenting path for yourself and your child.
Now request your partner to do the same. Merge your lists and determine the best course of parenting action for your children. What have you just established here? You managed to be consciously aware of your parenting style. You know which tendencies to avoid and which to build upon. With a supportive spouse, you can do this even more successfully.
You don’t have to parent like your parents. But you can choose the best styles for your children. A little practice is all you need. And being mindful. While you are at it, do call your parents to apologize for being such a tough kid! Weren’t they right when they said “Wait till you have your own kid?”
Many of the things we say to our children are actually manifestations of our past experiences as children. These words have been programmed into our brains through repeated experiences. The ultimately mold our parenting style. While our parents can be a great influence on our parenting style, but it really isn’t the end of the ideas we may have for bringing up our children. All we need to do is be conscious of our habits and acknowledge the similarities with our parents. In this article we will tell you how you can make a parenting style change.
Simply make a list of things you liked about your parents What did they do that helped you become the person you are today. Did your parents make you confident and secure? Did they lovingly encourage you to become your best self? Did they make you more conscious of your body (weight issues). Did they make you conscious of your actions (being honest). Did they yell a lot? Or were they subdued when very angry? All these reactions have helped made you into YOU! Simply separate your good experiences from your bad ones. Keep the list growing by adding to it over the next few days. Keep adding until you have nothing to add. Consult your siblings to confirm whenever in doubt.
In addition to their actions as parents, also make a list of your reactions. Did you not always get the love and attention you desired? For example, think about the times when you were sick. Did your parents get you extra treats to help you feel better? Or did they tell you to “brave” it? What would you do when attending your sick child? Think about the time when you lost in a sporting activity. Were your parents hard on you or did they teach you’re the true sports spirit? How are you reacting to your children’s winnings or failures at sports? Were you bullied at school? Was someone unfair with you? How did your parents support you?
Maybe yours told you to fight your own battles as a part of the “tough love” strategy. Did that toughen you up or left you more bitter or vulnerable. These experiences are worth recalling for the purpose of our list building exercise. The more reactions and actions you have on your list, the more you can choose to create a new parenting path for yourself and your child.
Now request your partner to do the same. Merge your lists and determine the best course of parenting action for your children. What have you just established here? You managed to be consciously aware of your parenting style. You know which tendencies to avoid and which to build upon. With a supportive spouse, you can do this even more successfully.
You don’t have to parent like your parents. But you can choose the best styles for your children. A little practice is all you need. And being mindful. While you are at it, do call your parents to apologize for being such a tough kid! Weren’t they right when they said “Wait till you have your own kid?”
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